you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
