My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
