Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
