Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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