I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
