no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
