You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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