I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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