bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
