Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
