Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
