my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
