I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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