you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
