The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
