Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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