the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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