I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
