Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
