I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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