I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
