i'm signing you up for texting rehab
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
