Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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