You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
