u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
