She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
