That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
