I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
