Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
