genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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