u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
