Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
