benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
