I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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