I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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