When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
worst night to have a conscience
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
