idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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