so explain again why im purple
no
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
