): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
