we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My dick has a subreddit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
