im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
