Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
