I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
