He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
