If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is my gift to your gina
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
