Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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