I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
