So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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