Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
