but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need moral support for this bender
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
