I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
