the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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