Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
