She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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