So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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