I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
sex in a hospital.. check
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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