my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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