Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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