well I can't set my house on fire every night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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