Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
