I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
