just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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