omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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