I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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