Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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