She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
