Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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