You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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