flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
