Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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