just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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