His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
