If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
