Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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