I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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