piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
