drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
love makes seman taste better
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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