Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
