Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
