Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
