No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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