I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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