I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
