I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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